Friday, May 23, 2008

A Tribute To The Prettiest One: Uber-Saint of Chaos


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"Je suis la plus belle!"
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This was the dance-floor war cry of Gaetan Dugas, the notorious flight attendant from Quebec whose "little black book" was used by the Centers for Disease Control to prove that AIDS was -- is -- a sexually-transmitted disease. I don't know how many times I read And The Band Played On (by Randy Shilts, long may he wave) before it finally soaked in.
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"I am the prettiest one!"
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That was what Gaetan used to say when he looked around a roomful of new romantic prospects -- at a bathhouse, a bar, maybe a party. And he was probably right. But talk about tempting the gods! And this is not tempting just any god. Without realizing it of course, he was asking the Goddess of Chaos to use him as a live grenade, which with all due respect is just asking for serious, serious trouble. And he got it. I know, I know, he didn't really ask. Who the hell would? It's just the superstitious lunkhead in me that wants to assign cause and effect to this cruelly random, randomly cruel disaster. Because then it would make sense. Because then it would be someone's fault.
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"I am the prettiest one!"
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Why not just paint a bullseye on your back, man?
Twenty or twenty-five years ago now, researchers identified him as the center of a traceable network of people who mingled their body fluids and paid a horrible price. And here's the thing: nobody, even health professionals worried about Gay Bowel Syndrome and parasites run amok, could have seen THIS coming. Let alone this guy who just wanted to party his brains out when he wasn't working.
The cruel irony of this man's life has offended people from that day to this, as well it should. But some of you are still shooting the messanger. If he could have seen this coming, don't you think he would have done it all differently? Do you not see that what horrifies you is that you didn't see it coming, either?
You make the picture even worse when you try to neuter the Chaos. His terrible death, along with a whole generation of nice guys just like him, wasn't enough? You have to martyr him again? Even today you can hear people trying to pigeonhole Gaetan Dugas, who they can never understand.
People should know better at this late date.
This is why you can't pin him down: YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THERE. Because he is the prettiest one, and you, sir or madam, are not. Count your blessings.
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"Je suis la plus belle!"
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They even embroidered it on his piece of the AIDS quilt.

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