Punxsutawney Phil: International Symbol Of Hope

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN. Today Phil put his head out of his burrow, saw his shadow, and called it: another six weeks of winter. NO SURPRISE. This winter has been INCREDIBLY BRUTAL and clearly has NO INTENTION OF LETTING US GO JUST YET.

What DOES surprise me is Phil's INTERNATIONAL MEDIA STARDOM. I mean, this is a large, flabby rodent with BRANCH OFFICES. Probably every state in the nation has its own meterological Woodchuck scenting the air in Montana -- Alaska -- New Mexico -- maybe even Old Mexico! -- and reporting back to the head office where Phil holds court. Probably they even pay taxes to Phil. AT LEAST THAT'S MY THEORY.

And in other countries farther away -- the arid steppe of Mongolia, the mountain fastness of Bavaria -- THEY ARE EAGERLY TUNED IN TO HEAR PHIL'S PRONOUNCEMENT. That is no theory, people; THAT IS A COLD, HARD FACT.

BUT WAIT -- THERE'S MORE! Phil even has cachet as a Discordian Saint, based on this version of the PHIL LEGEND related by an elementary-school student, no doubt channelled directly from the Elder Gods themselves:

Q: What is Groundhog Day?

A: On the third day Jesus rose from the dead, and when they rolled away the stone from his tomb, he came out, saw his shadow, and they all knew there would be SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER.

That never fails to bring a tear to my eye.