Tips For Those Who Need A Remedial Course In The Sowing of Discord

I just want to draw attention to the golden apples that seem to be on EVERYONE's LIPS lately:  terrorist activity.  Terrorists are really screwing up these days and I feel the need to point out HOW.  Some people are clearly not getting how it needs to work.

A good terrorist makes a POINT of some sort with a terrorist act.  Everyone seems to be forgetting this lately.  Let's start with the terrorist tag team of Malik and Farook:

 

What did these two accomplish by opening fire on a staff Christmas party?  They devastated quite a few families -- I include their own families -- and they orphaned their daughter.  What else did they prove here?  Anything? 

Next, my very favorite failed terrorist, the Underwear Bomber:

 

 

 

Same question.  What were you trying to prove by setting your pants on fire over Detroit Metro Airport, Mr. Abdulmutallab?  What was the point?  If you HAD blown up the whole plane, then what would we have learned?   

 

Let us not forget Da Bruddahs:

 

 

What exactly are you saying when you blow up the people running past the finish line at the Boston Marathon?  Do you hate the city of Boston?  Do you hate marathon runners?  Was it the crowd clogging the sidewalks that chapped your asses?  What was this even about?  If this is an act of Islamic fury, tell me -- what does blowing off so many people's legs have to do with global jihad?

 

Ah, and then there's this guy:

 

 

While Major Hasan has focused all manner of shrink-bashing humor at himself, he made NO POINT AT ALL when he opened fire on a waiting room full of unarmed patients at Fort Hood.  The one thing I know he achieved -- almost certainly by accident -- is that he woke up the debate about allowing weapons onto military bases.  THAT MIGHT NOT WORK OUT IN THE TERRORISTS' FAVOR, NIDAL.

 

I should remember to point out each of these terrorist cells has very impressively deepened America's suspicion about Muslims, including Americans -- and it was already deep enough to sink New York City without a trace.  If that was the goal, GOOD JOB!  But could that possibly have been the goal?  I thought the original meaning of "global jihad" was converting everyone, globally, to Islam.  THIS METHOD IS UNLIKELY TO WORK.  What they've done here is sow a tremendous amount of discord that landed DIRECTLY ON THEIR FACES.  Not least this guy's face:

 

 

 

But let's not limit ourselves to people who think blowing people away in the name of Islam makes sense.  What about this guy?

 

 

 



Glenn Cross at least had the presence of mind to yell "Heil Hitler!" as he was being taken away in cuffs after shooting 3 people at Jewish community centers.  We know what his goals were.  But while he clearly raised anxiety, I'm far from sure he's terrorized most people, even most Jews.  These days, Glennster, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BODY COUNT.  And yours doesn't really rate no matter how many candles your critics light to the memory of Martin Bormann.  You're going to be seen for all time as an unbalanced loser.  WHICH IS ALL YOU ARE.

Now, none of THESE guys looks unbalanced:

 

 

These guys have all killed people who do a certain specific type of women-only elective surgery.  Why?  To prove that killing people is wrong.  No mixed message there! 

You'd never know it by looking at the headlines, but MOST OF THE TERRORIST ACTIVITY IN THE COUNTRY is committed by rabid Christians like these -- not just abortion-doctor-hating types, either.  I know what you're thinking -- who knew?  Don't you have to wear a turban to be a terrorist?  Well, no.  Remember this guy?

 

 

America's BEST-LOVED TERRORIST is as Christian as they come.  A hardcore Bible-thumper.  In fact, his followers think he's Jesus Christ, and that his trial for the Tate-LaBianca murders was his second crucifixion.  (And when he was tried and convicted of killing Shorty Shea a few years later, did they call that his third crucifixion?)  Now, Charlie's message was a little hard to follow, but basically, he wanted to terrorize the Los Angeles basin because they never made him a  music star.  OK, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.  The whole industry was completely terrorized and has never been the same since.  He targeted the house where Terry Melcher used to live because Melcher, a music producer, was the one who listened to his work and decided not to do anything with it.  THAT part is crystal clear.  The stuff about the Beatles being the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, well, we have to remember MANSON'S CRAZY.  But I do want to point out that even this ambulatory schizophrenic sent a clearer message with his group's terrorist acts than the Tsarnaev brothers, who supposedly were right as rain mentally on the day they bombed the Boston Marathon.

 

So here's my advice:

• Think it through first.  Who are you trying to terrorize?  How?  Why?

• Who or what would make an understandable target to get your message across?  If you're angry at the commercial fishing industry, it makes no sense to blow up a kindergarten in Utah.  THERE ARE NO FISH IN SALT LAKE.

• If you're a religious terrorist, ask yourself whether the tenets of your religion genuinely support this sort of activity.  Talk it over with your religious leader.  NOT one who hides in his basement drooling on himself and muttering about how they're all out to get him.  Talk to one who's making sense.

•  Weapons check!  Do you have the know-how, the financial backing, the ordnance, the plan, the skill to make a terrorist attack come off properly?  Most people don't.  See Glenn Cross, above.  DON'T wind up like the Underwear Bomber, for pity's sake.  That guy is going to be the transcendental Platonic ideal of embarrassing flops for the rest of his miserable life.  AND HE WAS TRAINED BY AL-QAEDA !

• Leave your calling card!  Even if you have no meaningful message connected to your bizarre acts, you at least want credit for all those flat tires, screaming babies and smashed store windows.  If you do have a political agenda or some other message you want to impart, heck, LEAVE A NOTE OR SOMETHING.

Now, if your only goal on earth is to spread terror, even just for its own sake, without rhyme or reason, YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT.