And The Apple Roller Of the Year For 2020 Is...

 YEAH, YOU GUESSED IT:

I JUST COULDN'T KID MYSELF ANY LONGER.

Here are A FEW HIGHLIGHTS of Trump's really outstanding performance this year at GENERATING CHAOS.  An EXHAUSTIVE LIST would be FLAT IMPOSSIBLE but here are just a few tidbits:

>> He put his foot down about the new economic stimulus package for Covid relief, demanding that somebody come up with a plan that will extend unemployment benefits nicely AND pay the struggling American worker $2,000 instead of the paltry sum the warring factions in Congress were able to agree on.  He also complained that there was far too much PORK in the bill -- another apple of confusion right there, because since when does Trump have a problem with pork-barrel politics? When Congress scrambled to do just what he asked and presented him with a new bill in RECORD TIME, he WENT GOLFING without signing it into law for a week or so, leaving average Americans worried sick that their household finances were going to CAVE IN COMPLETELY as soon as the holidays were over.  Ho-ho-ho, everybody!  Merrrrrrrry Christmas!

>> In a bit of standard Trump doubletalk, he refused for MONTHS to encourage or model the wearing of germproof masks or in any other way treat the pandemic seriously, appearing in public surrounded by supporters who were generally standing MUCH TOO CLOSE to him.  He went so far as to call the pandemic a HOAX.  Unfortunately, not everyone in the USA has TAKEN A RIDE ON THE CLUE BUS yet and BELIEVES EVERY WORD HE SAYS.  These people did not appear to notice that when The Donald was inevitably diagnosed with the dread virus, HE WAS IMMEDIATELY BUNDLED OFF TO ONE OF THE BEST HOSPITALS IN THE COUNTRY, AND GIVEN EXPENSIVE MEDICINES YOU AND I HAVE NO ACCESS TO.  He then got better.  Got better from what, you ask?  Was he sick with a hoax, then?  Did he need treatment for a nonexistent illness with a medicine (remdesivir) that costs over $3,100 for the full 5-day course of treatment?  HIS BELIEVERS DIDN'T CARE.  

>> While still actively spreading the coronavirus, Trump announced that his handpicked candidate for the Supreme Court had been approved to step into the robes of office, at an event now known as the Rose Garden Massacre because so many unmasked people were sitting there cheek-by-jowl drinking in every word he said. Mind you, MOST OF THESE PEOPLE WERE HIS SUPPORTERS.  Quite a few keeled over with the virus in short order.  He didn't even apologize, naturally.  The Donald never does.  I just really liked this one because if the weirdo cultist he chose for the job, Amy Coney Barrett, had gotten sick and died, well..?

>> Even after he finally acknowledged that there is such a thing as Covid-19, Trump continued to use it as a way to SOW DISCORD and talk down anyone who took it seriously and, as usual, piss off other countries.  let's bot forget the day he called the pandemic the "kung flu."  I am normally the LAST PERSON ON EARTH to complain when someone is SOWING DISCORD, but here?  Now?  Like this?  When mutual cooperation is the best route to ENDING THIS MISHEGOSS?  There's a time for CHAOS and there's a time for ORDER.  Maybe get back to destructive, hateful apple rolling AFTER all those millions of people are back at work, the kids are back at school and there are no longer so many refrigerated trucks needed to store the plague victims.  

>> In the last year, meanwhile, novel coronavirus cases have risen in this country from a starting count of ZERO to over TWENTY AND A HALF MILLION as I write this on New Year's day.  About 3% of those people have died:  355,918.  AND COUNTING.  He isn't even interested!

>> He continues to claim that he WON this year's election, in the teeth of the evidence, and is holding up any sort of serious business with nuisance lawsuits, recounts, and general bullshit that -- again -- would just be entertaining if there weren't MILLIONS of people out of work, waiting for their unemployment benefits to cut off so they can step bravely into Evictageddon.

>> Meanwhile, he is busily pardoning his cronies for the crimes they committed in support of his own criminal career, with zero concern for whether they are guilty -- in some cases even though they PLEADED guilty.

>> And, um, this:

>> But here's my personal favorite, because at least this time he didn't kill anyone: he chose a very special candidate to take a seat on the board of the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts.  The wife of his political crony, Mitch McConnell, who may know less about the performing arts than a hog knows about mutual funds, but her name!  Her name!  Her name is Elaine Chao.  She has the name of the unsacred symbol of  our non-prophet disorganization:

AND THIS WAS RIGHT WHERE I CAVED AND SAID, OK DONNY:  YOU WIN.