Sunday, May 13, 2007

Honestly, Some People...

When I Googled for that article again, the one talking about how a Viennese court is trying a test case possibly granting restricted human rights to Chimpanzees, I found this, a rather different take on the story compared to the objective reporting offered by CNN.

What this knucklehead fails to understand is that assigning human rights to Chimps, far from threatening his white supremist perch on the top of a world of inferior races, this simply gives him fresh opportunities to exploit Chimps. Keep close the words of the Gorilla in Illuminatus! who explained that if it came out that Gorillas can talk, most of them would be slaughtered, and the last survivors would be put to work as machine-lathe operators. This is exactly why Gorillas never talk if they can help it. This is why Mr. White should not really worry about this lawsuit.

But on another level, he is right to worry. A shift in Ape Rights would also afford new opportunities for different idiots, like the person who published an article in Social Work magazine, arguing that since some Gorillas have been taught to sign, that means all Gorillas should be offered special-ed rights. Which is another way of saying that they need to be dragged out of their jungle homes and forced into public schools. That would afford the Gorillas a whole new field of opportunity, not in terms of furthering their careers, but more in terms of going to the principal's office for throwing feces at the art teacher.

Think about it, people. Today, we have seen the beginning of the process that culminates in the war you saw in Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes. Actually, when I read Internet discussions like Mr. White's, I realize that when the Ape Revolution comes, it will not be a bunch of Gorillas in coveralls with stolen crowbars. In fact, it has been going on for years and consists of Mr. White types wearing sheets and gang-raping what they consider to be members of a different, inferior species. Where the hell did I put my blowgun?

here's the original article for comparison purposes.


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