Saturday, December 31, 2016

If We Can't Have A Giant Meteor For New Year's...

...Maybe a nice tidal wave can fill the bill?
Now THAT'S how you start the New Year off with a bang. 
Or a big, wet gurgle...

Friday, December 23, 2016

We Do Have One Winner For 2016...

While we're painstaking recounting the votes for 2016 Apple Roller of the Year, we can all REJOICE in the fact that this bumper sticker is the clear winner, out of a crowded field of sarcastic bumper stickers featured in this election cycle.  In fact, with the election over and the dust starting to settle, it's STILL the perfect message as far as I'm concerned.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Breaking Apple Roller News!!!

I heard on the radio today that there may be a MUCH BETTER couple of candidates for Apple Roller of 2016.  The  New York Times has released the Internet handles of a couple of Russian hackers -- Cozy Bear and Fancy Bear -- who appear to have very effectively hacked into the information needed to change the results of the 2016 US presidential election.  They wanted Donald Trump to win and he DID win.

And the American voters followed them, like lemmings into the sea...

Saturday, December 10, 2016

So What's With The Robins This Winter, Anyway?

I just looked out the window to see a group of songbirds plucking crabapples off a tree outside.  There was a pair of cardinals, a couple of those spotty female starlings, a waxwing or so, and -- much to my surprise -- not one, but 8 robins.  It's mid-December, and robins are normally very hard to find in Michigan this time of year.  And you hardly ever see them travelling in packs, no matter what time of year it is. 

When I looked more closely, it got weirder.  All the other birds looked completely typical of their species, but fully half the robins were what I've thought of for some time as "pastel."  Instead of being dark brown along the top and back and brick-red in front, these have pale silvery-brown heads and wings, and their fronts are watercolor tangerine.  I've learned to call these "leucistic" robins because that's the birdwatching term for them.  And one robin, that looked pretty average at first glance except for a dusting of snow, proved on closer inspection to have white spots, like a reverse Dalmatian.

So all I'm saying is that there's something up with the robins this winter.

And The Apple Roller Of the Year for 2016...

Man, this was a tough decision. For most of the year I thought sure the only possible candidate for Apple Roller of the Year was going to be Boris Johnson, the man who led the charge to make Brexit happen.  He was the loudest voice in the chorus demanding that the UK leave the Common Market, and then when the votes showed that Brexit was -- by about 51% -- what the British public wanted, he immediately bailed out.  He left the Eurozone, all the countries that have dealings with the Eurozone, and of course his home country thoroughly destabilized. He even made newscasters wonder aloud whether it meant there would be another vote in Scotland to secede from the UK. BoJo took the Prime Minister with him when he left, and I don't know how many other steadying hands that used to be firmly on the rudder of Britain. It was really quite an achievement.  It's still totally up in the air whether this apple-rolling is going to HELP or HURT.

I didn't want to use Donald Trump, but as the year came to a close I thought, man, it's gonna hafta be him.  It's not exactly a Cinderella story, because he was BORN RICH and used his wealth and his status as a reality-TV star to bluster his way into the White House.  But it IS one of the unlikeliest outcomes in American political history.  In an earlier blog entry I compared him to Jefferson Davis, noting how he's used completely un-American ideas, particularly a string of irresponsible racist comments, along with campaign promises so ridiculous that they border on the DELUSIONAL, as a kind of pry bar to jimmy open the front door of the White House, his voting constituency cheering him on every step of the way.   But going with Trump seemed so obvious, you know?  Jeb Bush even CALLED him "the Chaos candidate."  And their hair is so similar, I was worried that my adoring readers would have a hard time telling The Donald from BoJo:

But then it occurred to me:  a major reason this ultra-close presidential race ended with Trump winning is the fact that many, many voters simply hated his opponent, Hillary Clinton.  Someone said to me the other week that she didn't care enough to vote and wasn't going to bother, but when she heard her daughter was voting for Hillary, she cast her ballot for Trump "to cancel her out."  I know that's common practice in this country -- voting against the candidate you dislike and choosing what you see as the lesser of two evils -- but the way this campaign has gone, I wouldn't be surprised to hear that it happened a lot more this time than usual.  Are Hillary's divisive, ugly-natured, out-of-touch-with-the-people tactics -- calling half of Trump's fans "deplorables" springs to mind -- the reason we now have an unbalanced real estate broker with a string of bankruptcies on his record, who refuses to show anyone his tax returns, packing his bags to move to the White House?
But then it hit me.  Whether you're talking about BoJo, Hillary or The Donald, the real power broker in the picture is someone else.  In Britain, that power broker looks like this:
In the US of A, the person I need to nominate this year looks very, very similar to the one in Britain:
Yeah, baby.  The same power broker was pulling the strings in Italy when Beppe Grillo, a comedian by profession, made his own splash in the Italian government.  He is currently working on getting enough signatures together to make it possible to hold another referendum, to get Italy out of the Common Market the way BoJo got the UK out.  Like the Joker in the USA, Grillo is known in Italy as the Clown Prince. 

But again, Beppe Grillo is not the most powerful man in Italy, any more than Trump is here or BoJo is in the UK.  This is the most powerful person in Italy:

So here's the winner for 2016.  Every voter who uses that right -- whether that's happening in Libya, Germany, Japan, or Burkina Faso -- is the one who rolls the apples this year.  Congratulations, everyone!  You're doing an incredible job spreading Chaos.  I mean that sincerely.