Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Great Moments in Total Disorder


Here we have a website devoted to the design, construction, maintenance and display of ONE OF THE MOST RIDICULOUS DAMN THINGS EVER. It has no purpose, rhyme or reason. As far as I am aware, it isn't even being used to raise money for good causes. CHECK THIS OUT: its owners describe it as "annoying" and they claim to get complaints about its apparently transcendent, Platonic level of stupidity -- YET STILL THEY LABOR ON to keep it spruced up, running properly and IN THE PUBLIC EYE.

It is impossible to read about this astounding achievement without my heart bneating a little faster, without my eyes welling up in gratitude. Life will be truly great on the day I can see this marvel in person.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

I Can't Believe I Missed St. Urho's Day Again!

This is the stuff that old-time religion is made of. You know, it occurs to me that the perfect movie to rent on St. Urho’s Day would be Exorcist II: The Heretic. James Earl Jones’s speech about ‘happy little grasshoppers’ going berserk and massing to eat the world will move all true believers to tears.

To tears, I say!

Takashi Miike, Prophet Of Chaos

You have to love this man, because this man just loves Chaos. And when I talk about love I mean true love. When I talk about true love, I am referring to throat-biting, razor-boots-to-the-face, five-schoolboys-slobbering-on-a-screaming-woman, wok-torture, rubber-suited, hot pokers applied where they shouldn’t be S-E-X. And when I talk about S-E-X, I mean V-I-O-L-E-N-C-E, so beautifully choreographed that the Borzoi ballet company would have a hard time keeping up.

This guy is really something special.

It is Miike’s delicately-balanced genius to emanate purely creative Disorder, while celebrating the destructive type of Chaos that most people think of when they hear that word. I mean, dig it, the movies make NO sense. The longer you watch, the deeper the incongruity gets. AND you can hardly stomach half the stuff that’s going on. But at the end, as the credits roll, you glance at each other uneasily and say, "That was….kinda cool. Let’s see it again, right now."

Here is a list of his films. I hear the "Masters Of Horror" episode he directed was so grue-tistical they did not allow it to be aired. But you can buy it on disc.

I wonder what Thomas Hardy would think of Miike? After he got through puking, I mean.