Friday, February 28, 2014

Trippy Image of the Day

This is really a triumph of Photoshopping.  Obama and Nixon are blended together here so SEAMLESSLY that you can hardly tell where the 37th president leaves off and the 44th begins. 

But I guess I fail to see the comparison.  Obama is one of the few presidents we've had, maybe the ONLY one in living memory, with no breath of scandal about his administration or his personal life. Nixon, meanwhile, is the guy we associate immediately with corruption, criminal activity, and humiliating downfall. Did someone Cuisinart Barack Obama and Richard Nixon together for that very reason?  To trip me out?  This image is even more puzzling than the signboards I've seen posted on streetcorners marked IMPEACH OBAMA, as he glares at you above his Hitler moustache.  What's that about?
Here's a sample of what I'm talking about when it comes to U.S. presidents:

George Bush the Second -- Couldn't form a simple declarative sentence; declared war on another country, then made more and more war, that has lasted to this day "because they tried to kill my dad."  I remain intrigued by the suggestions I've heard that the attacks on the Pentagon and the World Trade Center would never have happened if he hadn't been elected president.  Which he wasn't, because he stole the election from Al Gore through chicanery.

Bill Clinton -- Two words:  Monica Lewinsky.  Two others:  White.  Water.  Two more, trailing him from Little Rock: Wayne Dumond.  

George Bush the First -- Started a war in the Middle East for pretty questionable reasons.  Barfed on the Japanese ambassador.

The Gipper -- Where do I start?  The "Teflon president" was apparently bulletproof on a personal level, but then there was the Iran-Contra Affair, the HUD Grant Rigging Scandal, the Lobbying Scandal, the EPA Scandal, and the Savings & Loan Crisis, aside from who knows what else that I'm forgetting at this moment.  Reagan went on and on about cutting government spending but spiralled the national debt to unheard-of heights at the same time, hoping we wouldn't notice the contradiction.  Maybe I should say the CONTRAdiction.

Jimmy Carter -- Two words:  Billy Carter.  He had no Monica Lewinsky but lusted after other women in his heart, and he (if I recall correctly) was at the helm when they flew off the handle, predicted Americans would die off in droves if they weren't vaccinated against a really bad strain of the flu, and spent a grillion dollars growing tubes of vaccine, but...the epidemic never came.  Oh, and the economy crashed, and that was blamed completely, 100% on Carter.  So it must be true, right?

Jerry Ford -- Pardoned Nixon, no questions asked, preventing any sense of closure or justice related to Watergate.   Dodged a bullet aimed at him by Squeaky Fromme, but paid for the rest of his presidency on a karmic level by proving himself unable to walk across the street without landing on his face.

And on and on.  Yeah, this is quite a bunch of guys.  Sterling characters, one and all.  And you know what?  Barry Obama is just like Dick Nixon.  I look at that image and I just can't tell the difference between the two.

Viktor Yanukovich NOT Ousted...

...He JUST HAPPENS TO BE STAYING WITH A FRIEND IN RUSSIA as Kiev, where he's supposed to be running things, metaphorically BURSTS INTO FLAME.  NPR just quoted him in a press conference, moments ago, as saying that being forced out of your job and your country by youthful Neo-Fascists is not the same as being "ousted." 
So what's his definition of that word?
Tayyip Erdogan, the Turkish prime minister, is telling listeners around the world to COOL THEIR JETS about the leaked tape scandal hinting that corruption in Turkey is as deep and wide as the shenanigans in Kiev.  Kiev, I need hardly remind you, has been described as a "Mafia state"  that runs more or less entirely on corruption, graft, and monkeyshines. ERDOGAN WANTS TO KEEP HIS REPUTATION INTACT by ordering the wagging tongues to cease.  What he's missing is that Turkey, long described as the most modern and cosmopolitan of the Islamic countries, can only make progress, and Erdogan can only CEMENT HIS REPUTATION, by admitting that he runs his country the way the other modrun governments do -- by greasing palms, hiding funds, promoting his cronies and generally ACTING LIKE A CROOK.   In other words, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, TAYYIP!  You're getting where you need to go.  Soon you will be right next to the immortal names in world government.  You know, like this guy:
(Long live Chris Christie.  Because it's the smiles that get us through, don't you agree?  This guy does:)

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Pussy Riot Skirmishes With...Cossacks!?

Yes.  Cossacks.  I had no idea they were still around -- the last Cossack I saw before this was Captain Kazan, played by Telly Savalas in Horror Express -- but it looks like they are now policing the Olympics at Sochi, and who ran afoul of them but our best girlfriends, Pussy Riot.  Someone took exception to their performance, and all heck broke loose for a couple of minutes as ski masks were ripped off and a guitar was shoved into a trash barrel.
I have to admire the bloody-mindedness of Pussy Riot, who responded to release from prison by going right back to what they were doing that got them arrested in the first place -- irritating Vladimir Putin. 
But if Putin is still using the Cossacks as his shock troops, almost 100 years after the fall of the
tsars, who's really the bloody-minded one here?

Tuesday, February 04, 2014

Polar Vortex Update -- Genuinely Frightening

All anyone was talking about on Sunday, Groundhog's Day, was the stupid death of Philip Seymour Hoffman.  The Groundhogs themselves appear to have been more or less lost in the shuffle. 
But get a load of this:  I learned late last night that neither the local nor the national Groundhogs came out of their holes to check out the shadow situation on Sunday.  This occurred at the tail end of the most severe winter in recorded history, on a bright and sunny day sandwiched between two massive winter snowfalls. 
I have never heard of this happening before, and frankly, I have no idea what to make of it.